Why healing hurts.
Healing is irritating because wounds are meant to feel itchy whilst the new skin grows. We are terrified of approaching healing because in our minds, it’s like the process will never end once it begins. So we find more comfort in picking at the wound, re-opening the skin and watching it bleed all over again. But what if we all learn to stop digging into outdated moments and instead, welcome new learning experiences? Healing was never meant to be comfortable. Because if you aren’t feeling uncomfortable, you are not learning. And if you are not learning, you are not evolving. You are stagnant and this is only going to delay the greatness that can only enter your life when you’re the prepared version of yourself to receive it.
My 23 trips around the sun have taught me a lot. You don’t sit down and write a book. You sit down and write a page. And then another page, and maybe one more. Then you leave and revisit when you’ve refuelled. That’s how healing should be. But instead, we force ourselves to unlearn behaviours we’ve had our whole lives, overnight. Imagine how burnt out you’d feel if you were told to write a 365 page book in one day! Now apply that feeling to how drained your spirit feels when you beat yourself up for not being able to cram 365 days worth of recovery into one night. Healing is not a finite process. Mistakes still happen even after you think you’ve healed but what’s most important is how you speak to yourself during and after the process of making those mistakes. Are you recognising that you can’t move on without forgiving yourself for failing yourself? Are you judging yourself or are you recognising that as a human being, you are guaranteed to relapse until you learn? We delay our own healing by failing to recognise our own flaws. You can’t run away from being flawed in the same way you can’t run away from being wrong in order to learn. The only way to let your flaws work for you is to find the best way to leverage the most positive aspect of that characteristic. For example, struggling to trust people is a flaw that stifles relationships with other people but the positive side of this flaw is that it leaves you with the opportunity to trust yourself.
Healing is not a performance. It’s a state of self-repair that requires discipline, dedication and diligence. There are no shortcuts to finding yourself; finding a love outside of the love you give yourself won’t save you from the responsibility of self-development. Even if someone loves you to the moon and back, your flaws are going nowhere. But one thing my human experience has taught me, is to try not to overdo it; bad habits give your work character and a unique sense of touch. If you have a lisp, let that be your sound. If you have a lazy eye, let your eye relax. If you have a habit of arguing with people, argue with yourself until your points make more sense or no sense; it’ll make you stronger in the end.
Today I want to empower and challenge you to give yourself the permission to start a healing journey. To dig deep and sit with yourself for a season and make use of this incredible chance to fully heal. Step by step, scar by scar. And maybe by the time we meet in Berlin, we can have a chat about how your journey has been thus far. I am looking forward to sharing my discovery about solitude on June 9th in Berlin at TEDxMauerPark.